regained: day 118 (quest) taken: day 118 witnesses: N/A
Visits made to the Little Brother's Orphanage never fail to get a reaction from the young boys that call it home. They crowd to the front, sometimes elbowing or shoving each other to get a better spot, peering up at the unknown adult or adults with both hope and desperation. You never elbow or shove (not anymore, that is) but you're no less anxious to make sure you're seen, noticed. The desire to be taken home to a new family is a fierce one for you.
It's not a bad life in the orphanage. You're aware of that, and are both intelligent and mature enough despite your tender age to be grateful for the fact. You could be dead or even worse: starving, cold, eking out a dirty and diseased existence on the streets. Yet gratitude can't hold a candle to your loneliness, that awful twisting ache in your heart for acceptance and love. Gratitude doesn't change, cannot mitigate the raw and soul-deep nature of your grief, your loss.
A new family could be a new start. It's a dream to strive for and to focus on, a way to keep afloat of a pain too great to be articulated. But no one ever chooses you. The hope that you've harbored is steadily eroded by degrees; the desire to be adopted loses strength each time it's thwarted. There's never a reason given, no explanation for why you were passed over. There never is for anyone (nothing spoken aloud for childish ears to catch, anyway) but that doesn't lessen the sting of the not knowing, the dreadful power of your gathering doubts.
Eventually, you stop joining in the rush to the foyer area where visitors come through. You turn away instead, immersing yourself in chores that will keep you out of sight.....and out of mind. What does it matter, anymore? It's obvious enough that you don't deserve a new family, that you're lacking somehow. Boys that were here long before you arrived, boys that showed up only a day ago, they're the ones who end up being chosen. Never you.
You're left behind, smiling calmly to hide your pain, trying not to begrudge the other boys their good fortune and not quite managing.
✿ content + consequences ● His real name would normally be remembered in this memory, but is blurred/missing/not mentioned. ● Jaguar takes a rather severe blow to his self-esteem and sense of self-worth. ● He realizes that if he's in an orphanage, his parents are either dead or didn't want him. ● Because the memory is about being passed over for adoption several times until he had lost all hope, Jaguar's inclined to believe that he was abandoned. ● He was polite and dignified even as a child, using good manners and composure to hide negative feelings, so he'll continue to be that way in Kyriakos. ● This was in his early years and doesn't feature Euphoria beyond the Little Brother's Orphanage, so he's not yet aware that Euphoria is actually a city built underneath the Atlantic.
Being passed over.
taken: day 118
witnesses: N/A
Visits made to the Little Brother's Orphanage never fail to get a reaction from the young boys that call it home. They crowd to the front, sometimes elbowing or shoving each other to get a better spot, peering up at the unknown adult or adults with both hope and desperation. You never elbow or shove (not anymore, that is) but you're no less anxious to make sure you're seen, noticed. The desire to be taken home to a new family is a fierce one for you.
It's not a bad life in the orphanage. You're aware of that, and are both intelligent and mature enough despite your tender age to be grateful for the fact. You could be dead or even worse: starving, cold, eking out a dirty and diseased existence on the streets. Yet gratitude can't hold a candle to your loneliness, that awful twisting ache in your heart for acceptance and love. Gratitude doesn't change, cannot mitigate the raw and soul-deep nature of your grief, your loss.
A new family could be a new start. It's a dream to strive for and to focus on, a way to keep afloat of a pain too great to be articulated. But no one ever chooses you. The hope that you've harbored is steadily eroded by degrees; the desire to be adopted loses strength each time it's thwarted. There's never a reason given, no explanation for why you were passed over. There never is for anyone (nothing spoken aloud for childish ears to catch, anyway) but that doesn't lessen the sting of the not knowing, the dreadful power of your gathering doubts.
Eventually, you stop joining in the rush to the foyer area where visitors come through. You turn away instead, immersing yourself in chores that will keep you out of sight.....and out of mind. What does it matter, anymore? It's obvious enough that you don't deserve a new family, that you're lacking somehow. Boys that were here long before you arrived, boys that showed up only a day ago, they're the ones who end up being chosen. Never you.
You're left behind, smiling calmly to hide your pain, trying not to begrudge the other boys their good fortune and not quite managing.
✿ content + consequences
● His real name would normally be remembered in this memory, but is blurred/missing/not mentioned.
● Jaguar takes a rather severe blow to his self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
● He realizes that if he's in an orphanage, his parents are either dead or didn't want him.
● Because the memory is about being passed over for adoption several times until he had lost all hope, Jaguar's inclined to believe that he was abandoned.
● He was polite and dignified even as a child, using good manners and composure to hide negative feelings, so he'll continue to be that way in Kyriakos.
● This was in his early years and doesn't feature Euphoria beyond the Little Brother's Orphanage, so he's not yet aware that Euphoria is actually a city built underneath the Atlantic.